The Bad Days and The Best Days Ever

These are the best days of our lives. Even when they won't stop crying. When you can't stop crying (damn hormones). When it is the 10th time you have had to do laundry this week. When you are so tired that you can't wait for these days to end. Stop. Breathe. Stare. Just stare. Hold onto the moment. Before you know it they will be gone. The days and months to come will be amazing, but you're going to miss this. Don't believe me? Read this again in a couple of weeks.

Everyone says the first few weeks are hard. Physically they were, but I still loved holding her. They were easy compared to what came next. It is always easy when they sleep. When they wake up and they cry and you feed them and change them and burp them and hold them and they still cry..... that's what is hard. When your heart breaks because you do not know what they want, or what is wrong. You try everything for gas and colic and it seems to help and you all finally get some sleep. They good news is this will pass. It may be a growing week or they are just tired (yes, they cry over that too), or in our case it could be a lip tie.

A lip tie? Yes. This is apparently something that is known, but not looked for. Many children have it and it is not something that is worried about. After I heard about it and researched it (and saw she had it), we called the pediatrician and they told us not to worry, it will tear on it's own. On it's own? Yes. By the age of 2, usually, they will fall and hit their mouth and it will tear and bleed. Then they will be fine and it will be over. OK. But, what about the problems it is causing now. The pain while breastfeeding, the clicking while eating (which is apparently her sucking in air), the puking all the time, the gas EVERY night. The future orthodontic issues it can cause. Why wait if we can solve this problem now? Well, because there is no proof that taking care of it now will improve any of these problems. No proof? But, what if it does?

That is what it came down to for us. A trip to the ENT and a decision to take a chance, To help our baby girl if we can. And the hardest moment of my life. Holding my 6 week old down while they take scissors to her mouth. I closed my eyes. Turned my head. They gave her sugar water (aka baby heroin) and done. Some cries. A lot of blood. And right to the boob (they said it helps the blood stop and calm her down. It did.). No clicking. At least we know one thing is an improvement.

The next days are not easy either. We have to rub out finger over the wound before each feeding to make sure it does not re-attach. It clearly bothers her during feedings. She wants her paci all the time. It seems to help with the pain and comfort her? Is that ok? who cares.. But, as the days go by, we see improvement. We do not scream with gas pains every night. This does not mean we never have gas, but not for hours every night. The normal burps we now get that have less or no puke with them. We sleep longer and fall asleep faster. And best of all, we have an aware week.

Nothing to do with anything else, but when it happens, everything else disappears. When you smile and they smile back. When they play and wave their arms and legs and coo. They cutest sound you have ever heard. You stare into their eyes and they stare back. And all you feel is love. Pure love. These are the best days ever!!